Some lessons from my life, Part One

This is going to be a long one, so I’m going to share it in a couple ‘parts’. Maybe three. Great suggestion from Terry and Brandon! But I think its WORTH THE READ (because it’s from HSU – Holy Spirit University- Life Campus)!!!

I’d like to expound a little about some things that God has taught me as He has walked me through being a parent and especially the PROCESS of the ‘empty nest’. It is a process that – I’ve learned- starts long before they leave. Everyone with whom I’ve shared this has told me how much it has helped them. I know several people who have kids who will be graduating this year and I’ve also shared some of these things with others whose kids are already gone, but who are struggling. If your kids younger, I still encourage you to read on. They WILL grow up - and it will happen before you know it! It’s never too early to start preparing your heart for that day. As I said, the process starts long before the senior year!


There are some other thoughts thrown in there, too ...at least in this post. Can't help the bunny trails, be it in the pulpit or on the page. :)

One last thought going in: Every parent is different, every child is different, every situation is different. I’m not foolish enough to think that what I’m about to share is the ‘across-the-board’ answer for every parent and every situation. But it was the answer for my situation, and my experience in sharing it tells me that there is something helpful that can be gleaned from this story.

The Beginning…

My daughter, Sara, is amazing. She ‘beat the statistics’ of being raised in a single-parent home. A little background for those who aren’t familiar with the story: Her father left us three times over a two-year span, starting at the age of two. He left us for the last time just before she turned four. Basically, I gave my life to the Lord, and he didn’t like that. His claim was, “I don’t want anything to do with God, or anything to do with anyone who has anything to do with God.” The ultimatum was cast – I needed to choose between being married to him or serving God. I told him that I didn’t want him to go, but there was no way I could turn my back on God. So he left. I’m not sorry…even though God hates divorce. It wasn’t my choice. But clearly I would not be the person I am today if I had not walked through what I had to walk through. God works all things together for good, for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose. I’m not under bondage.

I had the most wonderful (but sometimes trying) 15 years of my life, raising my Sara. I made my fair share of mistakes just like everyone does. God graced me to be Sara’s mother, and He graced her even more to be my daughter! Her life is a testimony that ‘statistics’ only have the power over your life that you allow them to have. Stop prophesying the ‘terrible twos’ and ‘terrible teens’ over your kids – unless that is what you want for them- and for yourself. “Well, Pastor Peg, that’s easy for you to say…Sara’s temperament is not like my kid’s.” Maybe not, but you must not give your opinion more credence than what the bible says in Proverbs 18:20-21 (Amplified Bible):

20 A man's [moral] self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; and with the consequence of his words he must be satisfied [whether good or evil].

21Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].

And the bunny trail begins:
Watch your words. This verse is not just about being alive (as opposed to dying)…it’s about living the life that Christ died to provide for you and your family. Nowhere in the bible do you hear about terrible twos or teens, so claim God’s promises for your kids, and stop claiming the devil’s desire for your family! I understand that all kids are born with different temperaments, but I don't believe that this fact negates what the Word of God so plainly says! Your kids hear what you say, and their spirits understand even if they are too young to really comprehend what you are saying with their minds.

If you don't believe that, then consider a baby dedication. Our pastor speaks the word over the lives of babies who are dedicated in our church. He states that 'even though their minds don't understand, their spirits do'. So why do we think that the blessings we speak over them count, but the negative things we say don't count? Some people call their spirited kids 'little monsters'. Then they say they were just joking. It doesn't really matter if you are joking or not - your words have power. If you have a gun that you think is UNloaded (but really IS loaded) and point it at somebody and pull the trigger, you will put a bullet in them. You saying, "I didn't really mean to shoot them- I was just joking around" will not change the fact that you have inflicted a bullet wound upon them! It's the same with your words - which are FAR more powerful and impactful spiritually than a bullet is in the natural.

The truth of the matter is our mouths are oftentimes 'loose canons' and we don't want to take responsibility for the idle words that we speak, or for the effects of them. Jesus Himself warned us in Matthew 12:36 that we will have to give an account on the day of judgment for every idle word we speak. Why don't we believe Him? How can we be so arrogant to think that this doesn't apply to us?

I digress...

Standing at the Precipice


Thoughts of the empty nest first began to hit me when Sara was about 14. I only had four more years, and she would be gone. I blinked, and that little blonde, pony-tailed child had become a young woman. How could I have missed that?!?!?!? But it happened. I started to regret the lost moments in the earlier years, when I had to expend a lot of energy trying to break through my own issues resulting from years of abuse and generational dysfunction. Some people scoffed at me for starting to feel anxious four years before “it” would happen, but I’m glad because it made me start to realize the preciousness of every day I had left with her. Cherish the moments you have with your kid, even if it seems to be laborious and monotonous! I guarantee that a time will come when you will regret lost moments!



I encourage you to think about what I've shared regarding time and words. Even if you don't have kids, the same thing applies to spouses. God created the world with the spoken word, and our words are empowered by the same Spirit. So what kind of 'world' have you created for your kids, your family, your church, your city?

And, what kind of account are you going to have to give on the day of judgment for your words. If judgment day was today, what would your moment in the spotlight look like?

Lastly, are you in such a hurry for your kids to grow up that you are 'missing the moment'? It might seem all glitzy and glamory... but remember: everything that glitters is not gold.

So, back to the story. What did I do? What did God teach me? I will tell you tomorrow...